Between “The Hangover”, “Waking up in Vegas,” and the array of suggestive commercials that the Nevada’s tourism board puts on your television, people no longer come to Vegas expecting to get rich – they come almost hoping to lose all their money so they can go home and tell their friends about how they had to bail themselves out of jail for jumping in the Bellagio fountains with a gang of European soccer players in celebration of a spur-of-the-moment marriage to the bathroom attendant at Tao.

Or whatever.

Every weekend flocks of people head to Sin City for what will surely be “the craziest weekend of my life!” Sorry bachelors: It won’t be. You will NEVER wake up sans front tooth in the same room as Mike Tyson’s tiger, no matter how many drugs you “accidently” take. The more you hope for a crazy weekend, the less crazy it will be. It is impossible for Las Vegas to be as exciting as you think it is.

Not to say that things don’t get crazy sometimes. I’ve definitely had those nights when I couldn’t reach my friend who’d left with a…um…dancer…and I’d thrown my cell phone in a toilet and a guy in a wheelchair had to change our newly-flattened tires because we didn’t want to scratch our corsets. But I’m just as likely to spend all evening curling my hair only to end up at the McDonalds in Luxor, eating fries and laughing with my friends until two in the morning. Not that I’m knocking it – last night was really fun. But it’s not the story blockbuster movies and songs go to for inspiration.

So while planning your next trip to Las Vegas (or Thailand), get The Hangover out of your head, resign yourself to the fact that you probably won’t get trick rolled or married, and try to have a good time anyways.